Gay and Lesbian Concerns at Mt. Toby Meeting

A statement approved by Mt. Toby monthly meeting September 11, 1997

From our earliest history in the 17th century, Quakers have affirmed that of God in everyone. We have experienced God speaking directly to and through all people, regardless of age, gender or economic class. In the 17th century, this concept of equality included women and children. Equality later came to include persons of all races. Today, at Mt. Toby Meeting, we are clear that equality includes persons of all sexual orientations.

Friends in this Meeting bear witness to our faith that all people can discern and act in accordance with God's leadings within the context of a faith community in which those leadings can be tested. As early Friends affirmed, experience is the basis of faith, and at Mt. Toby we have experienced a wide variety of lives lived with the deepest integrity of inward guidance and outward witness. Sexual orientation is not a bar to hearing God's voice. We affirm that all of us have equal access to spiritual leadings and the capacity to act in faithfulness to them.

We are grateful for the gay and lesbian people who have responded to the welcome our meeting offers; many are deeply integrated into the life of the meeting, and their gifts enrich the community. Because of their presence, we have learned that sexual orientation is simply part of who one is. It is one gift among others which can be lived out in a great variety of ways, depending on God's call and individual choice.

Family

"Family" is another concept that has evolved over time, for society and for Friends. The structure of what we call "family" is as diverse as the people who build it. Friends in New England Yearly Meeting are clear that "Friends who have made genuine commitments, founded on mutual respect and caring, which are truly a response to that of God in another person, are to be tenderly regarded." (Faith and Practice, page 159)

At Mt. Toby, we affirm the variety of forms families take among us, each tenderly regarded for the gifts it brings. Children need to know that their families are held by others to be legitimate, and welcomed.

Marriage

Historically, Friends have affirmed that marriage is not primarily a social or legal event, but a spiritual one. Marriage was seen as a religious leading of two persons. As George Fox wrote in 1669:

For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests or magistrates; for it is God's ordinance and not man's. And therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together. For we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses.

Friends therefore felt no religious (priest) or civil (magistrate) authority could "pronounce" a couple married, but Friends could witness the commitment the couple made to each other in a duly appointed meeting for worship.

This history of affirming spiritual commitments over legal ones was instrumental in Mt. Toby's approval of the following minute in January, 1987:

The Meeting affirms the goodness of committed, loving relationships and offers recognition and support to those who share this ideal and desire to enter into a permanent relationship based upon it. By tradition, the Meeting recognizes committed union in a celebration of marriage under the care of the Meeting. The same loving care and consideration will be given to both same-sex and heterosexual applicants as outlined in Faith and Practice.

In our process of reaching clarity on this minute, we became aware of a variety of strong feelings about using the word "marriage" to describe committed relationships. Some felt using the term marriage for same-gender couples is a worthy affirmation of the equality of such relationships to heterosexual ones. Others felt the term marriage should apply only to heterosexual couples. Still others felt the word marriage stands for a corrupt heterosexual institution, and therefore we should not use it; using a new term would show our commitment to new forms. We did not attempt to resolve this question in a corporate decision on what term to use, but felt the spiritual naming of their relationship was part of the couple's leading. Therefore this matter was left to the couple and the clearness committee as part of the clearness process.

Since approving our 1987 minute, three same-gender unions, all of women - two called marriage and one called a celebration of union - have been taken under the care of Mt. Toby.

What next?

There are crucial issues which impact gay and lesbian people and their families. Among these issues are:

We need to further educate ourselves and work to bring about change in society so that all individuals and families can openly lead the lives of integrity and faithfulness to which they are called.